Best Version of Me?

Me

I was stuck here again. Where? in this black hole.. I'm feeling tired again to live. Even in prayers I keep imagine I'm cutting my own wrist or stab my own heart repeatedly. Why I am like this? Why I keep feeling like this.. I'm making too many sins I guess.. (T.T)

Past few days, I'm returning to the Kuantan. Yup u can said..it start from there..it triggered me again..
The feeling unworthy. Feeling like I'm not good daughter. Feeling of useless human in world. Pretending smile in front of people. pretending I'm all good. But deep inside I'm NOT..

Feel like people see I'm materialistic girl..
Visiting my aunt in the middle of Selangor and KL seem make me feel..
How bad I am.. How good her children.. taking good care of her while they are working.. and get high salary..
I feel like I'm bad bad bad daughter and useless too..
I have nothing that my parent can be proud of..

Study? nah!
I'm not best student, I'm not clever at all..im just ordinary people that keep pushing herself to get end of her journey.. not only that.. I keep wanna to give up.. (T.T)
I just feel like I shouldn't live here..