I Thought I Am Ok

uri maniya..Boogie
its been long time since i'm not writing here..

its 2021 October

gonna have mock pd in 24 or 25..but im not in good condition..its not my body..but my bami..appa..

appaseo! jinja appaseo..rs nk seek for professional help nowadays..im too tired even to face myself..

seriously its been really tired.. staying in this road..everyone around me seems sick to hear my complaint or grumbling..even the closest one..the end..only me..feel the pain alone..

rs nk left eveything here..rs nk g jauh..xnk pk pape..xnk bt pape
even nk hdup ms skrg pn rs xnk..mls nk jmpa nk org da skrg ni..
bcoz the end i will tend to complaint my life to them..

comparing again..
i really hope i get job that can heal me.. can help forget about my problems.. i really want to make my own money..where should i start..business..?? sometimes im not even brave enough to take a risk to join the business..

taking responsibility seems heavy..feeling burden inside..
sometimes i hate myself..im not brave enough to fight..
i should fight..but im not..im just listening..n doing what people ask me..
where is myself? im asking again n again..where is myself?
as year pass by..as I'm grow up. I seem lost myself..
i don't even know myself anymore..
getting older not make me wise, but I'm just losing me myself..
again. What my ambition? really what is it..?
learning is good..
but having your own money is more important..
bcoz the end no 1 will give free money 

or sponsor money for the rest of  your life..

here im complaining again..is not I'm not believing in rezeki
but it seem im not having chemistry with that..
im always being left behind. I cant see any good process or any positive things happen to me..
what i know..im just feeling pain..everything is not going well..EVERYTHING!
and im SICK of that..really really SICK!!